Little Sister

You ever get some day's that seem to roll over really well, even with little effort? (And yes, it's possible!)

Yesterday went better than expected. I got to spend most of the day with my little sister. My mom handed us some cash and we went to the mall to get some supplies like a new pair of shoes (sweet!), and some little trinkets for the little lady who would be with me. Half of the cash went into the new shoes I needed, and the rest went into lunch, my sisters stuff, and a few "little things" that some how added up to $20. Either way, it was great to actually spend some quality time with my sister because it seems like we don't do it much together. She often mentioned that I spend more time with my friends than I do with her, and I'm her only sibling at home now. As much as I didn't want to hear it, she was absolutely right, so it felt really good to spend some one-on-one time with her.

I enjoyed hearing her say, "Thank you" at random moments. It makes a man feel fuzzy on the inside, if that were possible...

The second day was no different. I spent some more time with her at the mall again. This time we didn't do much shopping, and I was thankful for that. I'm at that stage where I'm seriously watching how I spend, which is a good thing I suppose.

We recounted the uselessness of little trinkets in the local Hello Kitty store, considered the recklessness of a man who ran through the walk ways with hands flailing in the air, and observed nature at it's finest with two little puff ball puppies scrapping it out in a play pen. Apparently there was a dispute between them on who would play with the third puppy.

I love those little times where my sister would open up to me with inquisitive questions like, "Teach me more about this stuff...", "Why do some people etc...", I have a friend at school and..." To me, they are the evidence of a young woman growing in the world around her. She's finding her way around, and I plan on helping her do that. I've loved growing closer to her, and I don't plan on stopping.

She said, "Don't force me! Such a thing should not be done..."

"...But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her."

Those are some pretty strong words right there, but that's exactly what this guy did. While King David was still alive, his oldest son Amnon took fancy to his half-sister, Tamar. The law back then condemns such vile things; 'Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father's wife, born to your father; she is your sister', (Lev. 18:11). Now as disgusting and ridiculous as this is, Amnon apparently thought it'd be fine to trick her into thinking he was bed-ridden.

Basically the story goes down like this: Amnon goes crazy over his half-sister, Tamar. So he basically tricks her into thinking that he's ill. So she's doing the nice sister thing by baking him food. As soon as she comes to feed him, he grabs hold of her and basically say's that he wants to sleep with her. She starts to protest because she doesn't want that kind of icky relationship (what girl would?). Amnon ignores her and then rapes her... But it doesn't end there. After he's had his way with her, he say's in anger, "Get up! Go!" To which she replied, "No, my brother! Sending me away like this is worse than what you just did to me!"

Now here's a little background to fill in the details: In Israeli law (back then), if you raped a virgin woman, then you were responsible for her well being in one way or another.

If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins. (Exodus 22:16-17)

I get the feeling that King David wouldn't have given Tamar over to the brother who just raped her. So even though King David wouldn't have given his daughter to a brother/rapist, Amnon would have to still pay the bride price anyway.

The reason why this story irked me so badly was because Amnon was going to throw Tamar out like Garbage, which would have only deepened the blade in her wounds. One thing I learned from this story is this:

-Don't have sexual relations with any relatives (Obviously, that's just disgusting)
-If you make a big mistake, deal with it. Don't try to throw it away as if it didn't have any value.
-If you destroy a persons life, do the best you can with the situation (especially if the person you hurt is willing to reason with you!)

When you make a mess, you have to own up to it and do your best to clean it. Take some responsibility!

Eventually Tamar's brother kills Amnon, most likely out of revenge for what he did to his sister. So I guess he got what he deserved. Good riddance. King David didn't need an incestuous rapist in his palace anyways.

*Story is found in 2 Samuel chapter 13

Tough Situations

I often find that there are times where I'm in a really tough spot. Sometimes people think ill of you, and you simply don't know why (and sometimes it's the other way around). Other times the circumstances are so overwhelming that you wonder, "How did it come to this?!"

Maybe you try to make things right, and when you make the attempt... well, it just ends up looking like a mess. Then you say, "Well... I tried."

If I wanted to, I could lazily look over my shoulder at the behemoths that taunt me. These problems come and go in groups for me. Some groups are bigger than others. These problems are weighing heavily on me and I'm not sure if I can continue trying to fix them all. In fact, I think I'd better throw in the towel. I can't fix everything with my own efforts. People will think what they want against me, but they'll never fully understand the whole story. I can't help them if they refuse to listen.

I've got a few things to tackle and pray through. Well, actually there are about five things. But I'm not going to spill everything out because that's personal. But what I can do is tell you things on a very vague level. This way, you can still pray for me if you wish.

-Family
-Friends
-Personal Life
-Schooling
-Ministry

I'll open up just a little bit about one of the five things. Today I will have to make some big steps being an older brother. This is something I was never very good at. But I have found it to be very gratifying when I reach out for my sisters. It's natural I guess. Our family was never really that close to begin with (at least that's what I think), but it still hurts when your family is being torn apart before your eyes.

Today I'm going to try to go out and spend some time with my sister's boyfriend. I'll ask him some questions that might put him on the spot. I'll probably even make him feel a little bit guilty... "So this home of yours...", "Do you really think this is best for my sister?", "If you really loved her, wouldn't you want her to be in a place that's safer?", etc.

But my aim is not to scare him or threaten him. Tactful in word, I need to some how enable him to understand the gravity and weightiness of the circumstances he's in. He's a 19 year old boy trying to make giant steps in a relationship with my sister. Now I think I'm beginning to understand how a father might feel when a young man attempts to see his daughter. It must be a scary feeling and I know a brother-sister and father-daughter relationship is not the same. I also know that those two groups share a certain bond that hurts when stretched or possibly breaks.

I'm praying that things go well tonight.